My tribute to Fartman

May 02, 2007 08:05:25

I wrote this blog a while back on my myspace page and thought I would dedicate it to the greatest superhero alive...Fartman!

FARTS IN THE SHOWER
Current mood: uncomfortable
Category: Life

 Ever blow a fart during a hot shower? There's noting worse, especially after a night of heavy drinking. I'm not sure if the combination of the steam and the fart mixing together makes the fart more powerful but it's one of the worst smells and it disgust me to the point of almost vomiting.

I can usually deal with the smell of my own farts, as a matter of fact...I find them inviting! Eddie Murphy said it best when he said "Deep down inside, we like the smell of our own farts" I'll take it a step further and say... I think we are proud of the really smelly ones and we live in denial about it BUT there's something different about farting in a hot shower, there's something more vial, something about the smell that makes you look down to make sure you didn't shit on yourself and in the shower. This is one of my big fears and it's actually a reoccurring dream I have but yet, I continue to fart in the shower and I know someday my fear will come true. How will I handle it? Will I use one of my good washcloths to clean myself? Will I be so disgusted that it will haunt me for life so I never fart in the shower again? Or will I tell myself... I'm only human and I'm sure someone's gone through this.

Farting during a hot shower smells so bad, that even after I washed my ass 2 or 3 times when I fart in the shower, I still wipe my ass with toilet paper after drying off to make sure there's no shit there. Although it's never happened from a fart, I always fear little traces of shit may be around my asshole and I may dig wearing clean underwear and ruin them. Crazy or cautious? I mean, why take chances!? We all know what happens when we don't wipe good enough... ITCHY ASSHOLES and that's a major head-fuck for me because my first reaction is denial and I tell myself it's just a quick itch because we don't want to tell ourselves we didn't wipe good enough and rushed the most important part of shitting...wiping! That means we are careless and dirty and who wants to admit that?