|
|
Comedy Central's News
News 1 - 10 of 19 [Total 2 Pages]
2007 VS 1973 Scenario: Jack goes duck hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack. 1973 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his to show Jack. 2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized stud... Read More
Idle Thoughts of a Retiree's Wandering MindI had amnesia once -- or twice. ***** Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic. ***** All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy. ***** If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle. ***** What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts fr... Read More
An atheist was walking through the woods."What majestic trees"! "What powerful rivers"! "What beautiful animals"! He said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that th... Read More
A man was flying from Seattle to San Francisco and the plane had a Layover in Sacramento .The flight attendant explained that there would Be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the Plane would re-board in one hour. Everybody got off the plane except One gentleman. Another man had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the Gentleman was blind because his Seeing Eye... Read More
A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?" She replied, "Probably de... Read More
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, ”You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife... Read More
A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son say, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now....cause his is the last stop. And all of you sons of bitches who are >getting on, get your asses on the train.... cause&nbs... Read More
You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a drop off? (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is another galloping horse. Both horses are also traveling at th... Read More
Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua . As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink." The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do." Th... Read More
Only a person in Louisiana could think of this. From the parish where drunk driving is considered a Sport, comes this true story. Recently a routine Police patrol parked outside a bar in Houma , > >> Louisiana . After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the Bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few Minutes, with the officer ... Read More
|
