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About the man, the myth, the legend...
Carlos Ray Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist, action star, and Hollywood actor who is best known for playing Cordell "Cord" Walker on Walker, Texas Ranger, his training with Bruce Lee and for his iconically tough image.Nor... |
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Biography |
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- Chuck Norris once visted the Virgin Islands. Now they are just called The Islands.
- Playgirl magazine once asked Chuck Norris to appear naked in an issue, Chuck laughed at the opporunity saying “there isn’t enough paper in the world to contain my bearded member”. He then killed the editors simply by unzipping his pants.
- Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There we no survivors.
- Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.
- Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
- There is no chin behind Chuck Norris beard. There is only another fist.
- Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
- Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
- Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won
- Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
- Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
- For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
- Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
- Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
- Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
- Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
- Chuck Norris doesn't kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris kills all birds, with two stones. The ones in his pants.
- Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode.
- Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
- When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.
- Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
- When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.
- Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.
- Chuck Norris does not leave messages. Chuck Norris leaves warnings.
- Chuck Norris can give himself the Shocker.
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